Why Mayim Bialik ‘Didn’t Feel Beautiful’ While Shooting The Wedding Scene?

This was definitely the scene we have all been waiting for. In the May 10th episode of The Big Bang Theory, Amy Farrah Fowler finally married Sheldon Cooper.

But it seems that not everyone was thrilled about shooting the wedding scene. Bialik, revealed that she had many feelings and struggles behind-the-scenes because it reminded her of about her marriage that ended in divorce.

“While there’s a lot of excitement about Amy and Sheldon’s wedding in the season 11 finale, as a woman who walked down the aisle in real life and got divorced, it also brought up some complicated feelings,” Bialik wrote on her website.

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“Wearing a wedding dress is not comfortable for me. When I myself got married, I wasn’t even comfortable with it. Too frilly, too feminine, too… predictable.”

“As a divorced woman, it’s hard to revisit that moment and those decisions. It’s still painful to think about putting on the dress you take vows in.”

“The dress that is in every picture of the perfect happy life you think you will have when you’re young and getting married,” she explained.

“I felt nostalgia and whimsy, too. I wondered if people wondered if I want to get married again and if they pitied me. I would have been fine in a more ‘conventional’ gown, but our producers really wanted Amy’s eccentricity to shine through.”

Even though Amy felt gorgeous, Bialik did not while shooting her character’s big day.

“I didn’t feel beautiful. Because this is real life. I had started losing weight a few months ago. Why? Because I needed to,” the mother of two shared.

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“I was not comfortable at my weight and I started eating much better and exercising and lo and behold; I lost some weight. I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin. And then I got a series of antibiotic-needing bacterial illnesses and was not allowed to work out for a month,” Bialik recalled.

“And so, I gained the weight back. I wanted to keep losing. And instead I’m back to not being comfortable. I felt ashamed. I felt like maybe the wardrobe ladies were looking at me like, ‘Oh, she tried to lose weight and maybe she didn’t have the willpower,’ ” she said. “They probably would never think that–it’s my brain thinking that. But that’s the truth. I didn’t feel my best. I felt crummy about it. Even though everyone said I looked beautiful, I didn’t feel completely beautiful.”

The actress revealed that the wedding day scene made her really emotional.

“I was afraid to read the script. I held my breath when it landed in my inbox the night before we started to rehearse it. I had so many expectations and I wanted to have none, but I couldn’t help it,” she revealed.

Bialik and her husband filed for divorce back in 2012.

The Big Bang Theory has been renewed for a 12th season. And as it was hinted before, it may be the last one.